i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
