Dude my mom stole all your condoms
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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