it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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