Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
