And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
