I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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