Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
