Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
