Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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