oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
