It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
