She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
