I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
