I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
