my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
