I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
