So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
