Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
