from now on my penis is your penis
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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