in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
