New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
