It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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