i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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