But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
