is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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