Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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