what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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