as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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