There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
