The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
