Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
