I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
