Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
