I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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