Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
