I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
