i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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