booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
