I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
