why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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