hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
