i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
