I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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