You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
