just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
