the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
