shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
