I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
