I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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