I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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