My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
