That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
