At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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