oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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