Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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