The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
