If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
