Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
