butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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